It's the holidays! Prepare to be marketed at.
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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
CHICAGO, Il. - Santa Claus, beloved holiday mascot, died Sunday of complications from obesity-related illness. He was 1,744 years old.
Mr. Claus became famous for delivering gifts to children by gaining entry into their homes, eating their baked goods, and leaving without a trace. He is survived by his wife, Mrs. Claus, and eight reindeer that have been sold at auction to the Los Angeles Zoo.
Remembered as a jovial old man and corporate icon, Mr. Claus' death prompted an outpouring of condolences from celebrities and world leaders. White House Press Secretary Josh Earnest said, "I guess we'll all celebrate Kwanzaa this year. Wait…how many days is Kwanzaa?"
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Available now! Cards Against Humanity’s Ten Days or Whatever of Kwanzaa (https://xxx.XxxxxxxXxxxxxxx.xxx) . You give us $15, and we’ll send you ten mystery gifts for the ten days or whatever of Kwanzaa. Spots are limited to the first 250,000 people to sign up.
- Cards Against Humanity
P.S. Australians: We have good news and bad news. Cards Against Humanity is now available in Australia (http://XXX.xx/x) . But this promotion isn’t.
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